/u/askmeifimacop
"This comes after influencer Sydney Towle died at aged
26."
How the fuck is that relevant? She died of cancer |
/u/wonkey_monkey
This comes after the Suez Crisis of 1956. |
/u/Qultada
His death came more than three decades following the
release of Belgian techno anthem "Pump Up The Jam". |
/u/Spagman_Aus
LMAOOOOO you cunked us |
/u/Totes-Sus
Hey, everybody! I just found Philomena Cunk in the wild!
Ma'am, it's an honour |
/u/CoolBeer
And Augustus Caesar unfortunately died before the covid
vaccine was released. |
/u/imcrapyall
Thank you for keeping us all grounded. This after The
Crusades. |
/u/curiousdumbdog
And nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. |
/u/raisin22
Thank God for that much-needed perspective |
/u/redlaWw
This comes after the creation of the Earth about 4,600
million years ago... |
/u/Strict-Carrot4783
Finding barely relevant, slightly tangential information
is a popular hobby for many AI agents. |
/u/cheesegoat
Exactly correct, this is the load bearing observation. |
/u/westrags
This is really the a-ha moment! |
/u/RootsRockRebel66
This is the crux of the matter. |
/u/Tekkzy
Truly the smoking gun. |
/u/TitaniumNation
Not just the smoking gun, it's the starter's pistol for
this revelation. |
/u/Twitch84
Three reasons why it's definitely the starters pistol: |
/u/luv_lee
I like to shame them and make them apologise for such
stupidity |
/u/Jezoreczek
They were both influencers, I guess? |
/u/monnotorium
They were both reasonably young and influencers. That's
it |
/u/Flavahbeast
I'm still reasonably young? thank goodness |
/u/monnotorium
When we're talking about dying, probably 😂 |
/u/Racxie
If The Daily Mail was the UK equivalent of Fox News, The
Mirror would be its close incestuous cousin. |
/u/ceelogreenicanth
Maybe the article was written by AI |
/u/CreepyBackRub
Yeah but her cancer was enlarging also. |
/u/TechieAD
Keywords and backlinks perhaps? |
/u/RedBeans-n-Ricely
Guy who went by "Tiny" had 40 ml of filler injected into
his peen. Absolutely wild. |
/u/churningaccount
40ml at one time is absolutely nuts as well. No doctor
in the US would do that in one session.
People put maybe 10mls maximum in the face at a time,
and that's considered excessive and mostly for like
instagram cheekbone and jaw "transformations." Most
facial filler sessions are just a couple syringes.
I've heard of up to 15mls being put in a penis in one
session, but that is only if you have a large penis to
begin with (...why are you getting this done then?).
40 is just crazy, though. It's no wonder that the
injector probably lost track of the landmarks and
started injecting into unsafe locations. |
/u/Ryrose81
For reference, how many bananas is 40mls? |
/u/TrueBeluga
For the average penis of about 14cm length and 12.7cm
girth, it has around 161ml volume. So, about 25% of the
volume of the average weewee. I know that isn't bananas
but honestly I don't know how large an average banana
is. |
/u/neatcleaver
Thank you meat mathematician
That is absolutely insane poor dudes weiner got
exploded |
/u/neil_anblowmi
Meat-matician if you will. |
/u/Jubenheim
I'm partial to mathemeatician |
/u/magiCAD
ETA: Thanks for the awards. My super power is coming up
with dumb shit like this. Looks like it's paying off.
Can someone give me gold? I've never received any in
the 10 years I've been on this dang socials. 🙏🏻
ETA2: OMG. Thank you, kind Redditors! I love it here. |
/u/AContrarianDick
Cock number cruncher? |
/u/encinitas2252
He paid to have it exploded* he had to know 40ml was a
dickload. |
/u/vibratoryblurriness
Fun fact: your username is an anagram of "ate ur bulge" |
/u/hearke
wait did you just notice that randomly? I'm low-key
impressed |
/u/vibratoryblurriness
Sometimes my brain just does that. I have no idea why
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ |
/u/bobtheblob6
He's like rain man but for penis related anagrams |
/u/Elvatoloco32
Amazing. You should donate your brain to science when
you're done with it. |
/u/GW2_Jedi_Master
They won't accept mine. They said that they don't take
gag gifts. :( |
/u/Dekklin
He's probably one of those "drive it until the wheels
fall off" kind of owners. |
/u/churningaccount
Important to note as well that the milliliters of filler
are not 1:1 with the volume added. Hyaluronic acid
fillers absorb a lot of water, and also stimulate some
new collagen production, and so they add more actual
volume than just what is injected.
That is part of why 40mls of administered filler is so
crazy. He was trying to add like 100+ mls of actual
volume after all was said and done. |
/u/Horskr
So by their stats he was trying to add another ~62.1% of
an average dick to his dick. Goddamn.
Edit: also is it just me or is it weird for a married
guy to do this? Like the person you're having sex with
already liked your dick enough to marry ya, why you
trying to go for a record weenie injection? |
/u/c14rk0
I also think that it just...wouldn't work that way even
if this was successful?
Like as far as I'm aware the penis isn't just a fucking
balloon that can freely expand however much you want
with added filler. Shit would still need to stretch.
It'd be like having a balloon that is filled to the
"max" at one size and then trying to suddenly fill it
with 60% more air all at once out of nowhere.
Unless he really was TINY and somehow already had the
skin to accommodate that I just don't see how it was
possibly expected to work...
The only world where this feels like it could make any
sense would be if he previously was a certain size and
then due to some injury or surgery he got ED and it
wouldn't get erect naturally anymore OR with medication.
In which point he would essentially be getting filler to
"fill" up to his previous natural size. Almost like
getting an artificial penis but somewhat more natural.
Even then I believe there are MUCH better, safer,
options to do that sort of thing for people with such
issues rather than going to a foreign country that will
just inject cosmetic filler into your penis. |
/u/overactor
"That's 60% more dick per dick." |
/u/timshel42
i bet it looks super weird flaccid. with a boner, all
the blood just goes other places. but all that filler
has nowhere to go. |
/u/das_slash
You seem to know very little about bananas and a lot
about penises |
/u/TrueBeluga
I have my priorities |
/u/TesticleCastrator
if 1 banana was 40mls, it would be about one banana |
/u/NecroAssssin
I've triple checked that math, and it's 1 banana per
banana accurate. |
/u/SkeymourSinner
Still don't understand. I'm American. How many eagl....
I'm kidding |
/u/highersense
Approximately four 9mm hollow points |
/u/girls-and-corpses
Someone whos not allowed to be a doctor anymore would
though |
/u/dendrocnide_moroides
well if thats where he was injecting it no wonder it
went wrong |
/u/RickyNixon
Wait is that how it works? They dont add any skin or
flesh they just fill it with liquid?
Thats so crazy. It already fills with liquid thats its
job |
/u/Leaves_Swype_Typos
Our modern Frankensteins have come up with a variety of
ways to modify genitals and the body. I think the most
interesting one was the mesh tube that went under the
skin and around the shaft, but I've heard from The
Punisher, Diddy's hired bull, that the built-in pumps
are popular among strippers and gigalos. |
/u/maskaddict
I think the most interesting one was the mesh tube that
went under the skin and around the shaft, but I've heard
from The Punisher, Diddy's hired bull, that the built-in
pumps are popular among strippers and gigalos.
This sentence was a real journey. |
/u/ContactRepulsive
Right? I know what those words mean, but having them
combined was insane |
/u/carlyCcates
Tbf these sort of procedures usually start out as
non-cosmetic. (much like modern plastic surgery
originated from reconstructive surgeries for the facial
and jaw shrapnel and bullet injuries of WW1 soldiers)
I've known a couple of guys who had cancer in their
genitals, both had to have penectomies. One was only in
his 30's. I didn't know him well and he moved to be
closer to his family so don't know whether he had
reconstruction.
The other was mid 50's and had a reconstruction using
skin, nerves etc from his forearm and a pump fitted,
though I think he still has to use a catheter.
Check your bits often everyone! |
/u/hypatia163
There's also meaningful overlap between cis people who
need reconstructive surgery and trans people. The
techniques develop in parallel. Some of the first
female-to-male genital surgeries were done by the WW1
surgeons who operated on wounded soldiers. Advancements
for male-to-female surgeries were instigated by people
doing vaginal reconstructive surgery. Great progress has
been made with trans surgeries thanks to micro-surgical
techniques, and these directly help cis people who need
analogous help as well.
We're all in this together!! |
/u/ZeePM
I don't know why but this made me think of the Reebok
sneakers right away. |
/u/Blubbolo
Berlusconi, our old mafia prime minister, was well known
for his pump so he could get an erection and fuck
around. |
/u/Pitiful-Assistance-1
Maybe the skin expands after? |
/u/dolphin37
and the article doesn't even say if it worked before he
died... at least let the man go out how he wanted! |
/u/Own_Round_7600
If his family loves him they'll shell out for the coffin
makers to construct an extra tall bump in the lid about
halfway down the coffin. |
/u/Area51_Spurs
God really is an agent of chaos cackling as he randomly
turns knobs and pushes buttons. |
/u/EliRocks
It's the little things in life. |
/u/mister_spacecat
See, this is evidence for the Greek Gods existing rather
than the Christian or Muslim God. |
/u/Doumtabarnack
Influencer culture really puts the dumbest people at the
forefront of society. |
/u/ComputersWantMeDead
Disturbingly many people propping them up though.
I personally just think the dumb-dumbs have their own
culture now. But they outnumber the rest and they will
vote in their dumb arse leaders.. and this will be the
downfall of us all |
/u/bitchelor
He should have paid extra for the "We'll tell everyone
it was a reduction surgery" clause |
/u/Enshitification
Hopefully, he'll get an open casket funeral with a
prominent tent being pitched. |
/u/gutsack
> "The influencer's London-based primary care doctor
also revealed that Ubiribo had an operation on his
joints, was pre-diabetic and suffered from gout but had
no other medical issues."
"Aside from loads of medical issues he had no medical
issues." |
/u/sptrstmenwpls
Do ppl lose their basic, legislated medical privacy
rights when they die? |
/u/Iamnotanumber_4721
No, but he might have been asked by the coroner if he
had any underlying conditions that would have
contributed in the investigation into his death, and it
could then be in the coroners report |
/u/ColdSmokeMike
Yes, but they have to guess on a lot since five
questions doesn't always cover everything. |
/u/ykonstant
He should have kept it a secret like Coroner Sanders's
recipe. |
/u/Daratirek
"It was hard on us." |
/u/cbury
Before we found out he was supposed to meet us for
dinner and he didn't show up. We thought he stiffed us. |
/u/Drudgework
Mocking the deceased is a dick move. |
/u/btonwilks
Johnson wasnt long for this world |
/u/insanityzwolf
"Poor tiny. We were sure he was going to make it big" |
/u/Secure_Bed_9110
He wasn't long for this world. |
/u/Beneficial_Potato_85
I wouldn't be surprised if his race played a role in the
way he felt about himself as well. I'm sure we know the
stereotype I'm referring to. Some less than nice
partners probably played a role as well. |
/u/SimiKusoni
"He was undergoing treatment for a hereditary
condition." |
/u/happy_church_burner
I thought "hereditary condition" was accidentally
knocking your head off with utility pole? |
/u/platoprime
some sort of mental illness exasperated by a society
that constantly pushes unrealistic body images on men. |
/u/Plexaure
People typically assume suicide or overdose first in
those cases. |
/u/Alive_Ice7937
"I'm so sorry. Did he kill himself?"
"Yeah. It was kinda a dick move to be honest" |
/u/qweef_latina2021
He wasn't schlong for this world. |
/u/EnthusiasmVirtual320
His problems with his body were probably exacerbated due
him being black too.
Black men tend to get fetishize a lot, which can lead
to the thought process of, "If it ain't eight inches by
default, then you aren't really black."
That can really mess with someone's head. It did for me
all through high-school and my early twenties. |
/u/xc2215x
People taking porn to literally. |
/u/EnthusiasmVirtual320
When you are young and your parents avoid the topic of
sex due to how awkward the conversation will be, what
else is a young teenager supposed to believe?
Not enough parent's are telling their children that
porn isn't real and there is not enough education about
it in school either due to the parent's being against
that as well. |
/u/Immersi0nn
Likely an autocorrect replacement but just in case,
'exacerbated' is the word you want |
/u/Tacotacito
It's too early for these kind of jokes. His body isn't
even stiff yet. |
/u/spb1
He owned a $1.1 million home in Los Angeles' Crenshaw
neighborhood and a $600,000 apartment in London.
Does seem like big numbers until you realise this is
just the average prices (almost exactly) in those two
cities |
/u/BookofEibon
That man wouldn't accept "average" |
/u/RepulsivePurchase6
Flaunting money but still went to Thailand to get
injections on his penis. Why not get the good quality
stuff in Beverly Hills? Kylie Jenner's plastic surgeon
would never... |
/u/h3rpad3rp
Ubiribo was buried in London in a gold coffin reportedly
priced at over $745,000
Those house prices seem even smaller after you read
that.
I felt kinda bad for this dude until I read that. Like
bro, fucking donate the money... |
/u/epochellipse
Yeah. He owned two homes. This article sucks. |
/u/newsfromanotherstar
That's quite a lot of homes given that most people don't
own one. |
/u/LG03
Two homes might as well be generational wealth these
days. |
/u/I_make_things
I can't afford Chipotle. The company I work for made 13
billion last year. |
/u/Legendarybbc15
It certainly isn't "average" to own a home these days,
nvm two |
/u/dendrocnide_moroides
nothing average about owning two homes in major global
cities in (current_year). |
/u/Morotstomten
700k gold coffin you say... Where was he buried? And
completely unrelated to that, anyone got a digger I can
borrow an hour some night? |