Today | News | Books | Recipes Adventure | Science Fiction | Ghost stories | Poetry | Children | History Bookus questions for a straw; They meet in private, and prepare the Bill, 355 Draw up the Instructions with a lawyer's skill, Suggest to Celsus where the merits lie, And dictate points for statement or reply. Nay, more, they FENCE! who has not marked their oil, Their purple rugs, for this preposterous toil? 360 Room for the lady--lo! she seeks the list, And fiercely tilts at her antagonist, A post! which, with her buckler, she provokes, And bores and batters with repeated strokes; Till all the fencer's art can do she shows, 365 And the glad master interrupts her blows. O worthy, sure, to head those wanton dames, Who foot it naked at the Floral games; Unless, with nobler daring, she aspire, And tempt the arena's bloody field--for hire! 370 What sense of shame is to that female known, Who envies our pursuits, and hates her own? Yet would she not, though proud in arms to shine (True woman still), her sex for ours resign; For there's a thing she loves beyond compare, 375 And we, alas! have no advantage there.-- Heavens! with what glee a husband must behold His wife's accoutrements, in public, sold; And auctioneers displaying to the throng Her crest, her belt, her gauntlet, and her thong! 380 Or, if in wilder frolics she engage, And take her private lessons for the stage, Then three-fold rapture must expand his breast, To see her greaves "a-going" with the rest. Yet these are they, the tender souls! who sweat 385 In muslin, and in silk expire with heat.-- Mark, with what force, as the full blow descends, She thunders "hah!" again, how low she bends Beneath the opposer's stroke; how firm she rests, Poised on her hams, and every step contests: 390 How close tucked up for fight, behind, before, Then laugh--to see her squat, when all is o'er! Daughters of Lepidus, and Gurges old, And blind Metellus, did ye e'er behold Asylla (though a fencer's trull confess'd) 395 Tilt at a stake, thus impudently dress'd! 'Tis night; yet hope no slumbers with your wife; The nuptial bed is still the scene of strife: There lives the keen debate, the clamorous brawl, And quiet "never comes, that comes to all." 400 Fierce as a tigress plundered of her young, Rage fires her breast, and loosens all her tongue, When, conscious of her guilt, she feigns to groan, And chides your loose amours, to hide her own; Storms at the scandal of your baser flames, 405 And weeps her injuries from imagined names, With tears that, marshaled, at their station stand, And flow impassioned, as she gives command. You think those showers her true affection prove, And deem yourself--so happy in her love! 410 With fond caresses strive her heart to cheer, And from her eyelids suck the starting tear: --But could you now examine the scrutore Of this most loving, this most jealous whore, What amorous lays, what letters would you see, 415 Proofs, damning proofs, of her sincerity! But these are doubtful--Put a clearer case: Suppose her taken in a loose embrace, A slave's or knight's. Now, my Quintilian, come, And fashion an excuse. What! are you dumb? 420 Then, let the lady speak. "Was't not agreed The MAN might please himself?" It was; proceed. "Then, so may I"--O, Jupiter! "No oath: MAN is a general term, and takes in both." When once surprised, the sex all shame forego; 425 And more audacious, as more guilty, grow. Whence shall these prodigies of vice be traced? From wealth, my friend. Our matrons then were chaste, When days of labor, nights of short repose, Hands still employed the Tuscan wool to tose, 430 Their husbands armed, and anxious for the State, And Carthage hovering near the Colline gate, Conspired to keep all thoughts of ill aloof, And banished vice far from their lowly roof. Now, all the evils of long peace are ours; 435 Luxury, more terrible than hostile powers, Her baleful influence wide around has hurled, And well avenged the subjugated world! --Since Poverty, our better Genius, fled, Vice, like a deluge, o'er the State has spread. 440 Now, shame to Rome! in every street are found The essenced Sybarite, with roses crowned, The gay Miletan, and the Tarentine, Lewd, petulant, and reeling ripe with wine! Wealth first, the ready pander to all sin, 445 Brought foreign manners, foreign vices in; Enervate wealth, and with seductive art, Sapped every homebred virtue of the heart; Yes, every:--for what cares the drunken dame (Take head or tail, to her 'tis just the same), 450 Who, at deep midnight, on fat oysters sups, And froths with unguents her Falernian cups; Who swallows oceans, till the tables rise, And double lustres dance before her eyes! Thus flushed, conceive, as Tullia homeward goes, 455 With what contempt she tosses up her nose At Chastity's hoar fane! what impious jeers Collatia pours in Maura's tingling ears! Here stop their litters, here they all alight, And squat together in the goddess' sight:-- 460 You pass, aroused at dawn your court to pay, The loathsome scene of their licentious play. Who knows not now, my friend, the secret rites Of the GOOD GODDESS; when the dance excites The boiling blood; when, to distraction wound, 465 By wine, and music's stimulating sound, The mænads of Priapus, with wild air, Howl horrible, and toss their flowing hair! Then, how the wine at every pore o'erflows! How the eye sparkles! how the bosom glows! 470 How the cheek burns! and, as the passions rise, How the strong feeling bursts in eager cries!-- Saufeia now springs forth, and tries a fall With the town prostitutes, and throws them all; But yields, herself, to Medullina, known 475 For parts, and powers, superior to her own. Maids, mistresses, alike the contest share, And 'tis not always birth that triumphs there. Nothing is feigned in this accursed game: 'Tis genuine all; and such as would inflame 480 The frozen age of Priam, and inspire The ruptured, bedrid Nestor with desire. Stung with their mimic feats, a hollow groan Of lust breaks forth; the sex, the sex is shown! And one loud yell re-echoes through the den, 485 "Now, now, 'tis lawful! now admit the men!" There's none arrived. "Not yet! then scour the street, And bring us quickly, here, the first you meet." There's none abroad. "Then fetch our slaves." They're gone. "Then hire a waterman." There's none. "Not one!"-- 490 Nature's strong barrier scarcely now restrains The baffled fury in their boiling veins! And would to heaven our ancient rites were free!-- But Africa and India, earth and sea, Have heard, what singing-wench produced his ware, 495 Vast as two Anti Catos, there, even there, Where the he-mouse, in reverence, lies concealed, And every picture of a male is veiled. And who was THEN a scoffer? who despised The simple rites by infant Rome devised, 500 The wooden bowl of pious Numa's day, The coarse brown dish, and pot of homely clay? Now, woe the while! religion's in its wane; And daring Clodii swarm in every fa |