Today | News | Books | Recipes Adventure | Science Fiction | Ghost stories | Poetry | Children | History Bookinged the unerring dart. She brought enough her liberty to buy, And tip the wink before her husband's eye. 205 A wealthy wanton, to a miser wed, Has all the license of a widowed bed. But yet, Sertorius what I say disproves, For though his Bibula is poor, he loves. True! but examine him; and, on my life, 210 You'll find he loves the beauty, not the wife. Let but a wrinkle on her forehead rise, And time obscure the lustre of her eyes; Let but the moisture leave her flaccid skin, And her teeth blacken, and her cheeks grow thin; 215 And you shall hear the insulting freedman say, "Pack up your trumpery, madam, and away! Nay, bustle, bustle; here you give offense, With sniveling night and day;--take your nose hence!"-- But, ere that hour arrives, she reigns indeed! 220 Shepherds, and sheep of Canusinian breed, Falernian vineyards (trifles these), she craves, And store of boys, and troops of country slaves; Briefly, for all her neighbor has, she sighs, And plagues her doting husband, till he buys. 225 In winter, when the merchant fears to roam, And snow confines the shivering crew at home; She ransacks every shop for precious ware, Here cheapens myrrh and crystal vases; there, That far-famed gem which Berenice wore, 230 The hire of incest, and thence valued more; A brother's present, in that barbarous State, Where kings the sabbath, barefoot, celebrate; And old indulgence grants a length of life To hogs, that fatten fearless of the knife. 235 What! and is none of all this numerous herd Worthy your choice? not one, to be preferred? Suppose her nobly born, young, rich, and fair, And (though a coal-black swan be far less rare) Chaste as the Sabine wives, who rushed between 240 The kindred hosts, and closed the unnatural scene; Yet who could bear to lead an humbled life, Cursed with that veriest plague, a faultless wife!-- Some simple rustic at Venusium bred, O let me, rather than Cornelia, wed, 245 If, to great virtues, greater pride she join, And count her ancestors as current coin. Take back, for mercy's sake, thy Hannibal! Away with vanquished Syphax, camp and all! Troop, with the whole of Carthage! I'd be free 250 From all this pageantry of worth--and thee. "O let, Apollo, let my children live, And thou, Diana, pity, and forgive;" Amphion cries; "they, they are guiltless all! The mother sinned, let then the mother fall." 255 In vain he cries; Apollo bends his bow, And, with the children, lays the father low? They fell; while Niobe aspired to place Her birth and blood above Latona's race; And boast her womb--too fruitful, to be named 260 With that WHITE SOW, for thirty sucklings famed. Beauty and worth are purchased much too dear, If a wife force them hourly on your ear; For, say, what pleasure can you hope to find, Even in this boast, this phœnix of her kind, 265 If, warped by pride, on all around she lour, And in your cup more gall than honey pour? Ah! who so blindly wedded to the state, As not to shrink from such a perfect mate, Of every virtue feel the oppressive weight, 270 And curse the worth he loves, seven hours in eight? Some faults, though small, no husband yet can bear: 'Tis now the nauseous cant, that none is fair, Unless her thoughts in Attic terms she dress; A mere Cecropian of a Sulmoness! 275 All now is Greek: in Greek their souls they pour, In Greek their fears, hopes, joys;--what would you more? In Greek they clasp their lovers. We allow These fooleries to girls: but thou, O thou, Who tremblest on the verge of eighty-eight, 280 To Greek it still!--'tis, now, a day too late. Foh! how it savors of the dregs of lust, When an old hag, whose blandishments disgust, Affects the infant lisp, the girlish squeak, And mumbles out, "My life!" "My soul!" in Greek! 285 Words, which the secret sheets alone should hear, But which she trumpets in the public ear. And words, indeed, have power--But though she woo In softer strains than e'er Carpophorus knew, Her wrinkles still employ her favorite's cares; 290 And while she murmurs love, he counts her years! But tell me;--if thou CANST NOT love a wife, Made thine by every tie, and thine for life, Why wed at all? why waste the wine and cakes, The queasy-stomached guest, at parting, takes? 295 And the rich present, which the bridal right Claims for the favors of the happy night? The charger, where, triumphantly inscrolled, The Dacian Hero shines in current gold! If thou CANST love, and thy besotted mind 300 Is, so uxoriously, to one inclined, Then bow thy neck, and with submissive air Receive the yoke--thou must forever wear. To a fond spouse a wife no mercy shows:-- Though warmed with equal fires, she mocks his woes, 305 And triumphs in his spoils: her wayward will Defeats his bliss, and turns his good to ill! Naught must be given, if she opposes; naught, If she opposes, must be sold or bought; She tells him where to love, and where to hate, } 310 Shuts out the ancient friend, whose beard his gate } Knew, from its downy to its hoary state: } And when pimps, parasites, of all degrees Have power to will their fortunes as they please, She dictates his; and impudently dares 315 To name his very rivals for his heirs! "Go, crucify that slave." For what offense? Who the accuser? Where the evidence? For when the life of MAN is in debate, No time can be too long, no care too great; 320 Hear all, weigh all with caution, I advise-- "Thou sniveler! is a slave a MAN?" she cries. "He's innocent! be't so:--'tis my command, My will; let that, sir, for a reason stand." Thus the virago triumphs, thus she reigns: 325 Anon she sickens of her first domains, And seeks for new; husband on husband takes, Till of her bridal veil one rent she makes. Again she tires, again for change she burns, And to the bed she lately left returns, 330 While the fresh garlands, and unfaded boughs, Yet deck the portal of her wondering spouse. Thus swells the list; EIGHT HUSBANDS IN FIVE YEARS: A rare inscription for their sepulchres! While your wife's mother lives, expect no peace. 335 She teaches her, with savage joy, to fleece A bankrupt spouse: kind creature! she befriends The lover's hopes, and, when her daughter sends An answer to his prayer, the style inspects, Softens the cruel, and the wrong corrects: 340 Experienced bawd! she blinds, or bribes all eyes, And brings the adulterer, in despite of spies. And now the farce begins; the lady falls "Sick, sick, oh! sick;" and for the doctor calls: Sweltering she lies, till the dull visit's o'er, 345 While the rank lecher, at the closet door Lurking in silence, maddens with delay, And in his own impatience melts away. Nor count it strange: What mother e'er was known To teach severer morals than her own?-- 350 No;--with their daughters' lusts they swell their stores, And thrive as bawds when out of date as whores! Women support the BAR; they love the law, And raise litigio |